Friday 22 January 2010

Its a funny old game...

...Tattooing, now there's a strange idea. You draw on people all day for a living. Or rather, you drag a needle through people's skin, which leaves a mark which will stay there forever, and people pay for the priviledge. And it hurts. A lot!

So, this is my chosen career path and its not without its merits. In fact, I love it as a job. I love meeting new people everyday. I love expressing my creativity. I love the timelessness of what I do... Its an incredibly powerful and constantly fascinating occupation. I take a real pride in what I do, and yet I am never satisfied... I always consider the possiblilties of "what could have been" and how much I need to improve in my art.
People seem happy; elated even, to get work from me, so there must be something good about what I do. I just can't cope with it some days. Everytime I think I have done something well, I look at the wok of some of my favourite artists and think "Oh boy, I have a lot to learn still".

I am a born worrier I suppose. I live my entire life teetering on this metaphorical tightrope trying not to fall off into the firey pits of arrogance, or to the murky depths of self-depreciation. I think as an artist its the only way to be in order to improve. However, it does lead to a constant feeling of inadequecy coupled with a desire to work yourself into an unrecognisable stress-beast; perpetually at odds with your own abilities and the craft of which you are an artisan.

Maybe its that old karma chessnut coming into play: I have a great job so I am happy, although that has to be balanced with a persistent need to improve, and a sense of guilt at how good I have it. Then again, I doubt your average fast-food worker is blessed with eternal happiness... Although, I imagine they don't lie awake at night thinking of how they might better cook a burger the following day; or try to imagine more attractive ways to present the sauces on said meal.

Then again, maybe its all just a load of old cobblers. I mean, you just need to look in any newspaper and see the victims of earthquakes, famines, wars around the world and it really brings it home how small your insecurities are. At least I can feed my family (just!). Maybe I should stop pondering my problems and go do something productive. And so should you - Why are you still reading this?
Go, now! But come back soon and check back in at my next entry as I try to exlain what its like from the other side of the needle.

Today i am going to "antique" and old chest of drawers... What are you going to do?